So TODAY is THE DAY I NEVER thought would come! The #1 reason I LOVE being my own boss is because I create my own schedule! I get to work at home and be with my baby at the same time. Pretty awesome blessing that I know most mothers would love to have. My daughter was a breeze as an infant. She was such a good baby! Then she turned one. I now understand how wild a toddler can be! My sweet and easy going infant became a clingy and demanding toddler who specializes in demolition and sucking all the life out of her mama. She will let me answer emails and messages on my phone, but the minute I get on my desk she is either trying to climb all over me, grab whatever she can find on my desk and throw it around the room, or is making sure that my office floor is covered with all my paper work and belongings so you can no longer see the hardwood floors. As much as I LOVE my child, she kept me stressed and I felt overwhelmed everyday.
The one thing nobody tells you is how HARD it is to be a stay at home mum, even more, a work at home mum. I am struggling with regular tasks like keeping the house looking some what clean and getting all my work done. I finally came to a point where I have given up on busting my tail trying to keep a house clean. It is so impossible when you have a toddler that is right behind you pulling all the books off the shelf or pulling clothes out of the laundry basket when you JUST got it done! Because I can’t even maintain a mess free household, you can imagine how much work time I get on a daily basis. Even trying to get work done at night is a struggle because I am not only exhausted but my child still doesn’t sleep through the night and is constantly waking and looking for me. My daughter and I started having lunch outside on the back porch everyday and going out to town to browse and shop or play at the playground just so I can get away from the stresses of the house. Because of the chaos of a home taken over by the 20lbs terrorizer (if that’s even a word) , it also brings tension between a marriage. That is something no-one ever tells you when you are a first time parent.
That being said, a decision that I NEVER thought I would have to make, due to my flexible schedule, had to be made. My child needs to go to DAY CARE! That DREADED thought of my child spending most of her day with other snot nosed, sickly children. The thoughts of her catching every sickness in the world. The thoughts of all the stories you read of children being abused and neglected at child care facilities. The thought of your child being raised by someone else. THEN……there are the thoughts of all these hours dedicated to YOURSELF! All these hours I can get my work done without a child screaming for my attention. The interruption free toilet breaks. Being able to drink HOT coffee without it being forgotten and reheated 12904823098420348290 kabajillion times and without it being slung around and splattered all over the room by an 18 months old. And for all you breastfeeding mamas… not having a child literally attached to you for half the day! Sounds like heaven!
Yesterday I got a phone call that the local church day care had an opening for my daughter. I thought I would be so sad but I was extremely excited and grateful for the answered prayer! As much as I LOVE having so much time with my daughter, for my sanity’s sake and also for the many reasons she will benefit from this, it was time for Day care. I could have started her next week, but the sooner the better due to my long to-do-list ( Weddings to be edited, planning church graduation appreciation, weekly youth group, youth camp etc. ).
So today was the first day of her part time day care. So many emotions flooding my husband and I. Yesterday when I went to check out the facilities, my daughter was pointing at everything and DID NOT want to leave! This morning as we walked towards the building, my daughter saw all the children playing outside. We have to enter the building first to get checked in and go through the back to get into the playground. She stopped on the bottom of the stairs by the entrance and would not budge! She refused to go inside!!! I was like, Nooooooo don’t be like this! We’re so close! So with arms full of bags with all her belongings, a camera ( of course ) and car keys around neck, my wallet and phone in one hand, I struggled to pick her up to carry her inside. She was just not happy about being inside. She wanted to go outside to play!
After putting all her stuff down in her classroom, we finally went out to the back! She first stood there just watching the other kids play. I finally put her on a little slide set and you can see her shyness finally disappearing. It was SO CUTE watching all the other toddlers come up to the ‘new girl’. Seeing my daughter smile in excitement just made me want to UGLY CRY and dance for joy at the same time!
Then it was time to say goodbye. We exchanged several kisses and a hug. Several thoughts come into my mind, ” Why do you look so grown up? Why is it so much harder on me? WHY IS SHE SO HAPPY? Ummm, hello your mother that you are oh so attached to is leaving you! Why aren’t you sad?! “I waved one last time and she waved back but barely even looked at me. ” Just break my heart why don’t ya! ”
Incase you are wondering, it has been over 2 hours in, and I have not yet broken down and cried. I am actually enjoying having some quiet time at home right now and due to my lack of sleep, I would really love a nice nap, by myself, with no-one touching me. It’s funny how much you long for little things like being able to sleep without being smothered, but I know I will one day miss my little girl wanting to sleep right on top of me. She truly has been a blessing that I don’t deserve, and I am forever grateful to my Lord Jesus that He chose me to be Ellie’s mama!
Now that I have shared all that. I will try to have a productive afternoon, if I don’t give in to a nap first.
Thanks for reading!
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